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Frequently Asked Questions. Question: What is your coaching philosophy? Answer: My coaching philosophy can be summarized as follows: The Client's AgendaThe coach has no inherent agenda, no special interest served by the relationship. The coaching relationship is focused on that which the client wishes to address, investigate or resolve. The Coach is an expert, rigorously trained, hired consultant and supportive, but objective LISTENER, and observer. Structure Many people feel overwhelmed with obligations; yet life is too chaotic to respond to all of them. The coach and the client co-create structures to clear chaos. Forwarding the Action The coach does not often pose the question " Why? " The interests of the client is served by moving forward, more so than by looking back. Unconditional Support The coach is unconditionally supportive of the client, accepting, never judging.... Who else in the client's life will be this objective and helpful? Balance Is there enough fun in your life? Or is there only time for work? In what areas of life are you satisfied? Where can things be improved? In our coaching relationship, we pursue your unique definition of balance. Perspective Problems appear unresolvable if we limit our search for answers to the first ideas that occur to us. When looking at other perspectives we can discover the most appealing, workable and complete solutions Discovery and Development Inquiry, intuition, conscious listening, and advocacy are some of the coach's tools. When the client makes discoveries, change happens and development occurs. Fulfillment What principles guide us? On what values are our important life decisions based? If we had all the money we needed, how would we pass our days? Partnership Often the coach functions as a "partner" in pursuit of a client's goals. How can you benefit from having a partner who is undeniably objective, committed to your goal, able to work with you to craft wisdom and strategies and who doesn't need your personal compensation or recognition? Being and Doing We are human beings, not human doings, yet we devote more energy to doing than being. Although it is important to be in action, coaching also examines the processing of life; how we feel, how we want to feel, how we are perceived and how to effect changes in this domain. Question: Why should I spend money to hire you to BOSS me around?... Isn’t that an S/M relationship!? I think I know what I need to DO for my life - I don’t need another boss!! Answer: Coaching is NOT someone pushing you toward your goals, dominating you - that is a project MANAGER, and that kind of relationship is actually somewhat immature, or more or less lacking inner fire or passion for the “player”. If someone needs ‘motivation”, they are probably not in that ‘game’ because they really wish to be,... they aren’t having FUN and their heart isn’t in it! (I frequently observe this is often still a ‘victim/martyr’ dynamic to a greater or lesser degree). Yes, that relationship IS actually a kind of unconscious S/m relationship where the S/m session never fully ends, is full of suffering and cheap drama, so you are totally correct on that point! The Good News is that Victim/Martyr are totally OUT of style NOW! This is replaced with Joyful Passion and Empowerment of Choice... We are only where we WANT TO BE- or we are ON OUR WAY TO GET THERE and are ‘acting as if”- which brings relief and makes us FEEL BETTER! Good Coaching is granting power to the relationship of Coach and “Player”, co-designing an alliance together to assist the “Player” create ‘games’ they can WIN, and ‘games’ the “Player” wants to Play in!). As your Coach, I promise we will never see you as a victim/martyr and we’ll focus on creating ‘games’ (including the “Career Game” or the “Financial Stablity” or “Financial Independence” “Game” that you’ll WANT to play because of your INNER PASSION! Together we’ll use ‘body wisdom techniques’ to locate any difficult areas or blocks to you getting FULL SATISFACTION in your life, we’ll use techniques to “make your mind your ally”. Question: Things appear to be getting tighter financially, I work harder for less - layoffs are on the horizon - Why would I spend money on a luxury like LifeCoaching - and isn’t that just a trendy ‘accessory’ for West Coasters? Answer: Well, West Coasters have SOME good taste, don’t they! (LOL.) Notice how you feel when you focus on the fearful thoughts... Are you feeling any better by ‘going there”? ... We can cultivate ways to reduce your stress, bring your blood pressure down, feel more confident, have more fun despite challenging times, certainly a happy, more productive and fun person at work is going to be more desirable to keep on when some other “sad sacks” are the first to go! Let’s try on a new perspective, I think you’ll like this: A slower paced economy means that we can finally take some time out to SLOW DOWN, get clear, use Coaching to improve our game and have some time to look inside at some blockages that are getting in the way of living full out- living fully abundantly! The recession is a perfect opportunity to go inside ourselves, do some “housecleaning” and wait out the ‘storm’, which actually will cleanse and refresh the ‘playing field”! However, besides feeling good and cultivating feeling better, Coaching offers MORE VERY PRACTICAL tools to have you practice to master “your game of life” here is just a short list:
Question: We are in a recession economy and things appear to be getting ‘worse’. Truthfully, ... I am afraid - what if I can’t pay my bills? Answer: Yes, I agree, but What if you tried on another perspective that would actually FEEL BETTER and excercize your “TRUST MUSCLE”? There is always a way that feels better! Number 1: We are Learning that WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! Together we will pull through this. If there is no profit to be had, then a system created only for profit HAS TO REORGANIZE it’s M.O. The System is to serve the people,... not the people the System! This is the course correction that we are now in. It’s my opinion and my deepest knowing that we are going thru a cleansing of the Financial system for the purpose of upgrading - we are preparing to implement the NEW ECONOMY- an economy not based in fear and greed (i.e. “Lack” mentality), but rather based on the truer and spiritual principle of ‘right livelyhood’ and PASSION/INSPIRATION! This is akin to "breaking some eggs to make an omelette"... Metaphysicians, seers, mystics and Astrologers ( i.e. “Wise Men”) , have foreseen this period for years now- there are leaders in place to assist folks in the transition. President Obama and other leaders (I am one) are very well trained, advised and connected to be of service, and we will ALL support them with our energy and prayers ( even if we disagree on some points). No one ever needs to feel all alone in this! - some of that separation illusion was fostered by Madison Avenue keeping us in fear and neurosis because Mad Ave. knew that neurotic, people that are looking for self esteem, feel separate will BUY MORE STUFF that they don’t really NEED. A slower paced economy means that we can finally take some time out to SLOW DOWN, get clear, use Coaching to improve our game and have some time to look inside at some blockages that are getting in the way of living full out- living fully abundantly! The recession is a perfect opportunity to go inside ourselves, do some “housecleaning” and wait out the ‘storm’, which actually will cleanse and refresh the ‘playing field”! This new economy will rise out of the ashes from the downturn and unplugging of an opportunistic economy based on predatory strategy and unconscious consumption. We are also all learning that we will have to help each other or we will not be able to move to the next level of empowerment - it is sink or swim, TRUE, but we do not have to sink or swim ALONE! We are all part of the HUMAN FAMILY of Humankind and we’ll learn to operate only from true heart connection and interdependance. We now have opportunity to unplug from old habits and programs of doing thing only based primarily on OUTER (‘motivating’ reasons , like punching a clock for money, or prestige, hollow ego boosting. These are falling away at the same time that we have TIME NOW to go within to get clear , to play and to EXPLORE our inner self as we no longer get caught up in the ‘Rat RACE’- Exploitive Captitalism that engenders mere consumption is being unplugged from as it is fulfilled it’s purpose and run it’s course. We are now positioned to connect with the NEW ECONOMY: based on our true passion and inspiration! Imagine... Getting up and going to work because you LOVE being of service, being with folks , appreciate yourself, appreciate your co workers, appreciate the folk/clients you serve... Imagine feeling GOOD and leaving fears, and petty office politics behind you- you are simply CLEAR that you are doing your best at what you are doing and that is PEACEFUL AND JOYFUL... The system of Mortgage and credit is also dropped away- you no longer pay bills because of fear or motivation, but because it gives you PLEASURE to have experienced the TRUST that those CC companies had in your responsibilty. And if you cannot be responsible to fully pay them- they have released you from that responsibilty! IMAGINE NOW a world where our economy is based on LOVE and pleasure! That is where I personally LIVE, and is where we are ALL headed...and we just have to be patient with what is being birthed! It may not make sense, but somehow you actually feel joyful and often Very HAPPY... A Crisis usually bring out the best in people working together- we allow ourselves to be and feel vulnerable and then we see that we are “all in the same boat”! Some people are looking for ways to increase their giving and service - you can ask for what you need - ask for extensions, rate reductions, sliding scales, trades or donations... You’ll probably learn something from that- and who are you to deny someone the pleasure of serving or assisting you!? Isn’t asking and risking being told ‘no’ better than being in chronic fear?! Question: What is the difference between Recovery work, Psychotherapy, and LifeCoaching? Answer: Many things, but all can be healing and integrating, depending on where we are in our life, where we want to go now, and how quickly and adult empowered (fully responsible for our own choices), we wish it! Recovery is about knowing our addictions and controlling or stopping addictive behaviors, staying away from substances, people, places and things that would bring us too much escapist temptation. Mostly Therapy is about restoring function to the disfunctional through analysis and if and when the therapist does interact in dialogue it is often asking the “Why?” question, which keeps us in our head and leads to more why questions. This can be a slow and mainly mental process! Most of this work is through the Mind’s processing of mental ideas. Hopefully at some point some of this work may be emotional catharsis. Reconnecting with all your feelings should be a part of that recovery and healing- making safety for ALL the feelings to come forth and release as helpful and needed is part of that. Often this is through medication when useful or needed, and usually though analysis of past wounds, and where ‘problems’ occurred and mentally dissecting the story or drama. After a point, by seeing ourselves as wounded and needing fixing we can create a mindset that can limit us to continually being victims, albeit unwittingly. There is a place for healing wounds, once we have addressed our wounds, ALLOWING THEM TO simply BE acknowledged. If we can release victim consciousness and move beyond “Why” something happened and The STORY/drama, we can then empower ourselves to keep our eyes on the prize that we want in our hearts, rather than getting stuck in petty ego dramas such as: "they did me wrong!", “This is what I Hate!”, “I know I am 'RIGHT'", "No one can know I’m secretly afraid of this",... etc. In Coaching we create a relationship where we get fully into our OWN alignment- we know and admit what we don’t want, therefore now we are willing to take full responsibility for all situations in our lives, RESPONDING, rather than REACTING, so we can then ask the powerful question: “WHAT DO I WANT NOW?”, We are now willing to turn our eyes to ‘the prize' of what we do want and let go of ‘wanting to be right” or justified in our old pattern of suffering and victimhood. Since we are now at least competent or even masterful at keeping our addictions at bay, we are now healthy enough to move toward or create and attract THE GOOD STUFF, the GOOD LIFE, where we are ‘STARRING” in our own Movie of our lives, rather than playing in a drama that is boring, uncomfortable, or has us cast as someone’s ‘supporting actor’ or even less as a “background player”! Coaching is focused on moving forward and will always keep you empowered as YOU are no longer seen as a wounded or broken victim, but we both view you as Naturally Creative, Resourceful and Whole! - THAT ALONE... Is healing, healthy and empowers you to play in the game of your life! Question: How can I tell if I’m "Empowered"? I am already a stressed "control freak" at times! ..LOL! Answer: You KNOW in your WHOLE body that you are empowered moment by moment by HOW YOU FEEL! Together we create ‘games’ or practices that will build the ‘muscle’ of connecting with your intuition and BODY WISDOM - intuitively, moment by moment. This practice will restore you to your natural and unique INNER GUIDANCE SYSTEM. We practice the moment by moment inner connecting with your ‘still, small voice’ of your heart and not limiting your information to just your mental thoughts in your mind. With your joyful JOY COACH, we develop and hone YOUR POWER OF PERCEPTION, which is a gentle and honoring kind of power, not “Power Over” someone or something, but “Power WITH” something or someone - it is sustainable and inspiring - a “Win/Win”. Together we practice integration with ALL that IS- we restore your alignment with everything in the Universe... You finally start to B R E A T H E easy again and your blood pressure goes down,muscle tension relaxes, body Ph shifts, and we are living more naturally, THRIVING, rather than merely surviving! Feeling passion with peace, joy with balance, we are feeling naturally happy, healthy, and WELL... THAT IS EMPOWERMENT - we have full CHOICE in our lives in every moment and we FEEL GOOD! Question: What is Intimacy Coaching? Does that mean we are "crossing the line"?! Answer: Intimacy Coaching can take many forms - and we need never even meet face to face to do it effectively! I am a man who loves men so I especially have experience with straight Men’s, Bi men’s and HomoMen’s issues and challenges. Men have had a big “number” done on them where it was never valued or even safe to feel deeply, or risk feeling vulnerable. In our culture Men have been disconnected from their inner ‘knowing’ or inner ‘being’- we need to work on ‘ the inner game” in order to Master the ‘game of life’ on the outside! "Emotional literacy" can be learned, but it must be seen as valued by the student. We are at a critical time when FULLY EMPOWERED MEN are needed and DESIRED - men who can nurture as well as receive nurturing. Naturally this involves feeling vulnerable at times! We learn to practice this and "get over it", so that we can deepen our true and inner strength and be more REAL and functional - more intuitive. THAT IS POWERFUL and women and others can FEEL it! Intimacy coaching can also involve the arenas or games of successful Dating and Relationships. I have expertise and mastery in these ‘games’ and we can explore playing these games and winning them, having fun in them. When we are FULL and WHOLE MEN, we are naturally virile, sexy, and in command of our domains and lives without being controlling &$$#@%! s Question: What is Law of Attraction / “L.O.A” Coaching? I have heard of “The Secret” and seen the woman on the Sex in the City film throwing her copy of the book into the river, so it seems like a ‘positive thinking’ plan. Sounds idealistic at best, and I’d drive my friends crazy... I’m a New Yorker- so all I care about is RESULTS! Answer: Well, yes I did hear that she did throw a copy of the Secret into the water, but L.O.A. Coaching is much more than “The Secret”. I don’t want to focus on The Secret – it was an INTRO to LOA, but was as close to LOA as MacDonalds is to dinner at LeCirque 2000!... Both are meals, but one is fast food! Many people criticize the Secret as being too materialistic and they judged the practice as silly or superficial. Other folks tried some of the practices in The Secret, but didn’t get the materialistic (i.e. Money, Car, relationship, etc.) immediate results that they were so focused on... They felt like chumps and lost interest in going deeper into the practice. ...So many folks HATE this book. Part of the ‘problem’ was that the second group of folks that actually tried LOA were novices and usually weren’t necessarily in alignment with what was in their highest good, or the good of all- they often assumed that money, or a new car, or a relationship would patch up a troubled foundation... And that’s like putting a pretty paint job on a home with a bad case of termites- just a cosmetic fix! In truth, LOA is very spiritual and material as well. It is more concerned with giving your evolution for your HIGHEST empowerment possible - expanding you... And even the Universe through YOU, thru your unique personal evolution... You are a microcosim of the Macrocosm. Good news: LOA coaching is VERY PRACTICAL, natural and simple, even children are masters of it! The only challenge is unplugging from our old cultural mental ‘programs’ and mental habits that keep us from engaging with our moment by moment power and freedom of CHOICE... I.e. Keeping judgements, reactions and self sabotaging fears at bay. And that choice is to always to EVOLVE OR STAY PUT, and if we stay put too long we then have to defend against. While Rest stops are available along the journey of life, just like a road trip- we DO have a destination and it WILL cause us to stretch... So we can rest, but in the acceptance of moving forward. Once again, If we hang out at the rest stop, as comfortable as it may be, we are settling for cheap comforts, that then eventually sour anyway. LOA is actually fun and the easier way to create and attract in our lives in a powerful way- without controlling, pushing, and forcing something to happen- it is the Tao, the natural FLOW of life and since it is a natural and omnipresent force, all we have to do is get into the powerful downstream current of life to take us where we want to go and release the need to paddle ‘upstream’... Life begins to flow and our body’s relax and we reconnect with body wisdom which is natural and empowered. Great Philosophers, Leaders, Entrepeneurs, and Mystics have long employed these absolute and time tested laws of energy throughout the ages of man with powerful results! It is nothing new! Post Modern Science also bears it out: Quantum Physics is actually another language to describe the mystical influence that the ‘observer has on the phenomenon being observed”, in other words Quantum Physics is pointing strongly that WE ARE INDEED CREATING OUR REALITY through our dominant thoughts and feelings. This is LOA in action- observing our thoughts and feelings and beginning to train them ( gently thru non judgemental observation) and bring them into alignment with our heart’s desires... It is lining up all your ‘troops’ to be marching in the same direction, rather than experiencing ‘energy conflicts ‘ i.e, ambivalent feelings in your body and mind. When we get all of our ‘players’ to be part of a team together, we have power to ‘win the game’ and have fun playing the game! IN OTHER WORDS THE UNIVERSE IS EXPANDING. YOU ARE A TINY PIECE OF THE PUZZLE OF THE UNIVERSE. SINCE YOU’RE A PART OF THE WHOLE, YOU MUST CONTINUE TO EXPAND WITH THE WHOLE. SLOWING DOWN AND LIMITING THAT EXPANSION PINCHES YOU OFF FROM THE WHOLE AND YOU FEEL SUFFERING. EXPANDING YOURSELF WILL KEEP YOU IN CONNECTION, FEELING GOOD!. THIS IS WHERE YOUR COACH COMES IN- ASSISTING YOU TO EXPAND. |
